Wishful Thinking
by Ash Phoenix
Summary: Prompts/stories to help understand the main female protagonist of Consumed by Force, Jamaila Kramer. Possible spoilers, background information and canon relationships included.
1. angel

Disclaimer: I only own Jamaila and Gehenna … and possibly anyone else you don't recognize

**Disclaimer: **I only own Jamaila and Gehenna … and possibly anyone else you don't recognize.

**Author's Note: **This is what is concocted when I is bored and having a bit of free time on me hands. My sad excuse for writing a number of short stories about my OCs. Enjoy!

- - -

_Angel_

**#1 : Angel**

**- - -**

Jamie would be absently moving around her papers; appearing as if she was immersed in her work when, in reality, she would hear the voice from the other side let out his emotions.

"I don't understand," he'd always say in that pitiful, vulnerable way which would always strike something in the brunette's heart as she helplessly watched him – _always _watching, still unsure of why she felt this way.

But she knew – she _knew _that they were much more alike now – both having lost loved ones, both seeking comfort from another but never having the will or courage to actually _go _scream out to anyone, fearing that maybe that person would leave them too.

Which is why, as she placed her papers back on her desk for what seemed like the hundredth time, her heart clenched as he uttered, "She was my _angel_."


	2. bomb

Disclaimer: I only own Jamaila and Gehenna … and possibly anyone else you don't recognize

**Disclaimer: **I only own Jamaila and Gehenna … and possibly anyone else you don't recognize.

- - -

_Bomb_

**#2 : Bomb**

**- - -**

Their feet were moving, moving really fast, as the _bomb_ continued to count down -- _only 2 minutes to go -- _and, for some absurd reason, she feels tempted just to stay there and watch as the explosion goes 'BOOM!' and as the big cloud of smoke envelopes the surroundings, as if it could envelope her in a hug - -

- - And she's still running, Squall in tow, as they leap from another platform -- 1:40, 1:39 -- her stomach leaped uncomfortably as she passed a bloody corpse; mangled and twisted, the face undistinguishable and distorted. She felt nauseous and wanted to get out -- 1:30, 1:29 - -

A jump again and they see the exit. Her resolve returning, she makes for the door - -

- - He gets there before her and swings it open. All they smell is raw, polluted air and the unmistakable scent of one of those Galbadian tanks, but they don't care because they're - -

- - _running, _still running, as they direct their feet to one of the exits -- large, blue doors which look as if they'd never open -- they push and it's hopeless and she knows it, she feels it -- _OhmyHyne,we'regoingto__die!_ -- But, not today, not now - -

- - The door opens and they rush out, knocking two Galbadians in the process, but they don't care because they're - -

- - _there. _And they pant and they heave as they make their way back to the station, back to their _home. _

BOOM! goes the _bomb, _as they drive off.


	3. crazy

Disclaimer: I only own Jamaila and Gehenna … and possibly anyone else you don't recognize

**Disclaimer: **I only own Jamaila and Gehenna … and possibly anyone else you don't recognize.

- - -

_Crazy_

**#3 : Crazy**

**- - -**

She hears _**her**_.

In her dreams, in her mind, in her sub-consciousness; she doesn't know, but it _haunts _her. The leering voice, calling, _calling _her and she doesn't know whether she should say 'Yes' _or _'No.'

_Always, _she was always looked down upon; her days of childhood were never very pleasant -- _always _'I'll deal with you later, freak!' or 'You're _crazy, _you know that?'

Until her parents saw her anguish and sent her to the Academy. Where she tried her best to forget all about her childhood - -

- - _Dreams, _dreams are what's important, Seifer tells her and she obeys; she listens, for she knows that's what a good girlfriend would do -- even now, she finds it odd that she has friends when, in her childhood, she was devoid of them.

So, she tries to follow her dream. Make the world a better place by fighting crime -- she used to dream that she would, one day, one day -- and she does.

Danger does lurk around every corner, so it was only natural that one day, she would end up in a hospital -- _coma, _I heard them say.

But, she never expected to find _**her **_here. And, the ghosts come back: 'Damn you, freak!' 'Are you normal?' 'Absolutely _crazy, _I tell you!'

- - And, she finds herself laughing, _laughing, _because she's never been offered so much for so little and she finds herself superior; she now the one to stamp on the imbeciles, who would scream and cry for their mummies, and now she knows why - -

- - Because she's _crazy _and loving it.


	4. dirty

Disclaimer: I only own Jamaila and Gehenna … and possibly anyone else you don't recognize

**Disclaimer: **I only own Jamaila and Gehenna … and possibly anyone else you don't recognize.

- - -

_Dirty_

**#4 : Dirty**

**- - -**

Even now, as she walks back to the apartment, she feels _different _from everybody else. But that's to be expected, isn't it? She had always been _tainted, _hadn't she?

That must be why _**she **_picked her. Out of all the other females out there, it just had to be Jamaila that was different.

'_Different's good,' she'd_ think to herself. _'Different's better than same. For, if everyone was same, then the world would be pretty boring and predictable.'_

She liked risks. No one needed to tell her that; she knew. That's why she allowed herself to get too close to Seifer, despite Zell's protests and Quistis's scrutinizing eye. That's why she wanted her father to enrol her in the Academy, despite his claims that it was 'far too dangerous.'

'_Screw danger,' _she'd always laugh …

And she'd always be grateful that she was different.

'_But not now.'_

No; now she had never felt so different, she had never felt so dissimilar, she had never felt so _dirty._


	5. experience

Disclaimer: I only own Jamaila and Gehenna … and possibly anyone else you don't recognize

**Disclaimer: **I only own Jamaila and Gehenna … and possibly anyone else you don't recognize.

- - -

_Experience_

**#5 : Experience**

**- - -**

_Bang. Bang. Bang._

Every shot she hit created a small hole on the target as she reloaded the pistol and positioned herself to resume shooting. The bangs must have alerted him in some way, for then he decided to enter the shooting room and watched as she continued to shoot the target with precision; the bullets rapidly bursting out of the pistol barrel.

"Well, you seem to be getting better."

She turned to find out who her interrupter was.

'_Of course … Seifer; who else would it have been?'_

He moved up beside her and took another pistol from the desk, checking to see whether or not it was loaded, whilst Jamie reloaded her own. "Well, I do have _experience _in this field."

He said nothing for a moment as she resumed shooting; the target already stained with numerous bullet holes.

"Well, they do say that _experience _is the best teacher."

She looked back at him for a moment. He shot another, untainted target and watched, satisfied, as the bullet hit. Looking back at her with a smirk, she gave him one of her own and reloaded her pistol again.

'_Oh, how right you are, Seifer …'_

_BANG!_


	6. faded

**Disclaimer: **I only own Jamaila and Gehenna … and possibly anyone else you don't recognize.

- - -

_Faded_

**#6 : Faded**

**- - -**

_**She **_materialized out of thin air; _**she **_who held her grip on her, giving her no space -- no space to _breathe -- _and _**she **_closed in on her (whispering words of _lies_) and _**she **_confined _**herself **_in her mind, in her body, in her _soul._

But _**she **_had a name.

_Gehenna._

She had no idea who she _**was, **_but the way _**she **_talked about her, it was as if this was meant to be.

As if Destiny had planned this for her.

No other day was ever the same; not since _**she **_had come in and inhabited her mind.

'_Why can't she just leave?'_

And _**she **_did, but not before taking something else away. And she couldn't stop it -- she couldn't _control _it -- and simply watched as _**she **__faded _away.


	7. gusto

**Disclaimer: **I only own Jamaila and Gehenna … and possibly anyone else you don't recognize.

- - -

_Gusto_

**#7 : Gusto**

**- - -**

"What do you like so much about hotdogs, anyway?" She asked Zell one day.

Zell looked at her, slightly astounded. "Jamie, what's _not _to like about them? They taste good, they smell good, they look good …" He said dreamily.

"Okay okay, point taken …" She said, raising her hands up, as if she was surrendering.

The dog barked again and Jamie scrunched her nose in disapproval after glancing at Zell, who was hungrily devouring his hotdog with such relish that when Selphie called "Jamie, come over here!" she was not going to disobey.

Waving farewell to Zell, who muttered some incoherent words (which she hoped silently was akin to a farewell), she made her way to Selphie.

Selphie looked back at Zell. "Is he _still _eating hotdogs?"

"Yep," Jamie confirmed. "And I'm pretty sure that it's his 5th one today."

"_6__th_," Selphie corrected. "And that's just in half an hour." Then she sighed, apparently watching Zell.

She watched her companion. "Um, Selph? You okay?"

Selphie jumped. "Wha--Yeah, I'm fine. Hehe …"

Jamie smiled back at her, silently pondering whether or not she had a 'thing' for the blond. Inwardly, she thought of the two as 'cute' and the prospect of those two getting together would be appealing.

That is, unless Irvine got to her first.

"- - You think Zell'll be okay?" The voice broke her out from her thoughts. "I mean, those are an awful lot of hotdogs …"

Jamie looked back at Zell and an amused smile graced her features. "… I'm sure he'd be fine."

And they watched Zell continue to eat some more hotdogs with renewed _gusto._

- - -

A/N: And there you have it! Lolz, now off to my mother with another treat!


	8. haven

Disclaimer: I only own Jamaila and Gehenna.

- - -

_Haven_

**# 8: Haven**

- - -

_**She **_was waiting there for her, at the place that was usually prohibited from anyone else to enter but the self whose memories it contained.

She approached _**her **_quite warily. "... Did you call me here?"

_**She **_nodded. "... I understand why I am allowed to immerse myself inside you."

She looked at _**her **_blankly. "... You _what_?"

"Don't you understand the connection between us? The reason we are bonded together?" _**She **_simply questioned. "Out of everyone else I could have chosen, it was you. Haven't you ever wondered?"

She stared at her counterpart and hesitated slightly, as if she was unsure of whether or not _**her **_next words were ones that she wanted to hear. "Yeah ... Yeah, I have wondered."

"Well, it was your blood, more than anything else, that brought us together," _**She **_began, pacing from side to side. "The strange woman who had donated blood to you, when you were still a young child, was actually a descendant of mine. Therefore, I felt that if I could reside inside you, I would be a step closer to my way to discovering the Life of Immortality."

"You ... what ... ?" She looked at _**her**_ as if _**she **_was a monster--_Sheis,sheis,she__is!_--and shouted out a meaningless "You're crazy!"

_**She **_simply shrugged. "Maybe I am. Or maybe," _**she **_turned back to her, "I'm simply trying to make this world a better place."

She scoffed. "'A better place--don't make me laugh!"

_**She **_frowned. "You don't think I'm serious?"

She looked at _**her **_for a second. "... Gehenna ... You--"

"--are a villian? A monster? Someone who deserves to be punished for every sin she's committed?"

She shook her head. "No, that's not what I--"

"I am what I am because that's how I was brought up to be," _**She **_looked into her eyes and saw the exact same reflection; a blue-green pool of rememberance. "Always running scared, having no-one to turn to ... It was only natural that I wanted to become something _bigger, _something that would create fear and havoc into other people's minds and souls and, at the same time, prove to myself that I was not the weak and vulnerable one."

"But, I ..." She couldn't think of anything to say and, instead, shook her head. "But that's not the way the world works!"

".. I know," was the reply before _**she **_turned around, her white dress twirling, and disappeared into the depths of the seeminglessly endless haven of white that Jamaila had tried so hard to build.


	9. injuries

**Disclaimer**: I only own Jamaila and Gehenna.

- - -

_Injuries_

**# 9: Injuries**

- - -

"Well, these injuries clearly show that he had been physically abused - badly," Dr. Kadowaki concluded and moved away from the corpse. The boy looked to be no more than 7 - 6, at the least - and were he still alive, he would have had the grace of a beautiful child-like innocence, as opposed to the rotten mangle of flesh which was placed spread-eagled on the Infirmary bed. The boy's face was mostly decorated with dark purple bruises, which had changed in color due to the amount of time he had obtained them, and his hair was dishevelled severely. His lower lip was still swollen, the faintest traces of blood staining it. His chest was open and exposed the red liquid currently spurting inside him. Somewhere in there, Jamie could just imagine his heart lying there, immobilized, lifeless, and she looked away with the slightest grimace on her face.

This whole ordeal truthfully made her _sick._

Squall, however, continued to look at the lifeless corpse for a few more seconds before turning to the Doctor. "When exactly was he found?"

The Doctor shrugged. "About 3 to 4 hours ago, Zell's team brought him in." It was then that her eyes caught sight of Jamie, who looked as if she wanted to dispose of all her day's meals.

Or maybe month's; it was hard to tell.

"Jamie ..." She started, trying to compose her features to a sympathetic smile, "You can wait outside, I should be finished in a bit."

Jamie said nothing but stiffly nodded, already making her way out of the room but not before she heard Kadowaki comment, "This'll be a lot of paperwork for you guys ..."

The brunette privately had no idea as to why someone would want to inflict so many injuries ... to a little kid, no less.


	10. jumbled

**Disclaimer**: I only own Jamaila and Gehenna.

- - -

_Jumbled_

**# 10: Jumbled**

- - -

_The wind whistled through the blades of grass, her hair rising as the breeze shot through it, the ends of her white nightgown slapping her sides. She watched the water as it gently swayed and felt content here, more content than she had ever felt in her--_

**--**_**She **_**called her name, her voice like a hypnotic song, which caused her eyes to close slowly and succumb to the fall, the fall which no-one would break, as she--**

_--"All right! Let's move, move, move, MOVE!" The sergeant screamed at the accomplices, as they prepared to complete their drill. Her legs were killing her but she pushed herself on, an unfamiliar but not unrecognisable figure next to her._

_"You look a bit young for all this."_

_And she turned around and was greeted with--_

**--Her pale turquoise eyes stared back at her. But that grin was different, that grin was the work of--**

_--Ge--_

**--he**--

_**--na.**_

Almost as one, she screamed, her white bedsheets clutched desperately by her hands which betrayed fear. Fear, the ultimate weakness, something both Seifer and--

_--The strange static noise still buzzed inside her head, long after she had awoken, and didn't seem to want to go away. And, as she turned, she heard __**her**_--

--She began to regain her senses and her body stilled, her thoughts still jumbled.


	11. knight

**Disclaimer**: I only own Jamaila. The rest goes to Squaresoft/Square-Enix.

- - -

_Knight_

**011: **_**Knight**_

- - -

"'The Sorceress and the **Knight**'…"

The duo had retired from their assignment about 10 minutes early. Apparently, the 'villain' who they had had to deal with was simply the client's rival, who had done nothing more than beat the man in a race. As a result, the 'client' thought it amusing to contact the BPD to investigate the "shady character" that was lurking around the neighbourhood. The pair assigned to the 'mission' cornered the male, thinking that he was attempting to smuggle something out of an apartment when, in reality, he was simply trying to enter the residence in which he lived.

Cid formally apologised to the male for the misunderstanding and (for some odd reason) lectured the two officers, assigned on the mission, about prank calls such as those and how "you should differentiate a genuine call from a fake one."

After that slightly disgruntling sermon, the two exited HQ. As a sign of courtesy (which was slightly unusual for him), the male – of the duo – invited the female over to his apartment. The female accepted.

Now that they were settled in, the female had salvaged a book, from one of the cardboard boxes under the bed she was currently seated on, and opened it to the first page.

The male, meanwhile, was more interested in what was on television. "'Maila, come see what's on telly."

'Maila' was not too fussed about what was coming on telly – 'probably some Quad-ball or something, anyway' – and simply called out, "Yeah, in a minute, Seif!" whilst she resumed reading.

The more her eyes travelled down the page, the more she felt a strange urge to close them. It was as if there was a gruelling pressure on her, which was forcing her to shut her two eyes.

Eventually, she succumbed to the force …

… And opened her eyes to a barren wasteland.

Something seemed to be raining down on her and, only after she looked up, she realized that it was blood. As her mind processed the abominable reality, the droplets began to increase, both in speed and in frequency. Thick droplets of red poured down on her lone figure and she extended her arms to the side, as if she was welcoming the drops of blood. A high and bitter sound escaped her lips; her laughter filled the desolate area in which she stood. One drop was about to land on her lip and she stuck out her tongue, which caught the red drop of blood, and tasted its coppery –

"Hey! 'Maila, what's wrong?! Answer me!"

"Huh?" Her companion's persistent shouting awoke her from her reverie. She looked back at him and found an anxious and worried person looking right back at her. In an attempt to wash out the (what was it, a vision?) image from her head, she began to rub at her forehead. "Don't worry. I'm fine, Seifer."

He obviously didn't think so, for he scoffed. "No, you're not. I'll go get something for your head. In the meantime, though, you just rest, alright?"

Not bothering to give him an answer, she lay back on the bed, her thoughts reeling far from the room she was inhabited in; thoughts of a strange woman standing in the middle of nowhere, her laughter becoming louder and louder, occupied her brain.

"Go … my **Knight **… my Chosen One …_"_


	12. lady

**Disclaimer**: I only own Jamaila. The rest goes to Squaresoft/Square-Enix.

- - -

_Lady_

**012****: **_**Lady**_

- - -

As she walks barefooted – her feet walking through white ripples – she looks up at the cloudless nothing she stands in.

She looks up and tries to remember.

**Flash.**

_Her red dress twirled__ in the wind, her laughter echoing in her head, a tinkling laugh that sounded foreign from her lips. And she watched as –_

**Flash.**

_The ice flowed freely through her veins and it took almost all her self-restraint to control the position of her ice shards. How long had she been here, channelling the mysterious energy that now coursed through__ her body? The cherry blossoms drifted around her, falling slowly like a solitary tear waiting to be brushed away. Once more, and –_

**Flash.**

_The Sunday market was, as usual, bustling with activity. There was such a big crowd that the brunette was bound to bump into someone, albeit accidentally. Just as Fate would have it, she did: BA-_

**Flash.**

_She heard a man; an inscrutable figure standing far away, as if he was slowly fading away. She could not reach out to him, and heard only the words "Majestic" and "__**Lady**__". 'Hold on', she wanted to cry, 'what - ?'_

She closes her eyes and wonders. '_Who am I, really?_'


	13. mirror

**Disclaimer: **Both Jamaila and Gehenna are mine.

x – x – x – x – x – x –

She saw **mirrors.**

The rest of the scenery was bland by comparison, and she found herself staring at the mirrors as they circled her, showing her reflection from all sides. They spun and **spun** and _spun_ –

She blinked them away.

Now, only one circular **mirror **stood, and Jamaila found her hand reaching up to touch it –

Gehenna stared back at her.

The brunette hastily snapped her hand back to her side.

Her reflection smiled a mocking sneer that did nothing to comfort the brunette's rapid heartbeat.

Jamaila narrowed her eyes, some unexplainable anger (intermingled with fear) pulsing through her veins. "What do you _want_?!"

The words seemed to echo in the _nothing _that she stood in.

Gehenna said nothing, the silence stretching on like an unspoken melody. Jamaila, however, couldn't shake off the feeling of fear pounding in her heart – thump, **thump, **_thump –_

Gehenna was suddenly encased in black wings, which engulfed her form.

_**Whathappenedtoher,canIhelpheroutofthis –**_

The **mirror **broke.

Shards flew everywhere, some scraping her skin and others glistening like crystals around her.

When she brought her arms out of range from her face, and her screams (was she screaming? _why?) _subsided, she saw nothing else save from a silhouette further into the distance. Before she could open her mouth, she felt a blade sink through her heart.

When she looked down, she realized that it was _h_**e**r hand that had dealt the tragic blow.

She tried to call out to the approaching figure, but hit the ground and was enveloped into darkness.


	14. night

**Disclaimer: **Both Jamaila and Gehenna are mine.

x – x – x – x – x – x –

She had just woken up, and had just evaded the ravaging jaws of the 'dream' just in time.

Unfortunately, her empty apartment was no help, either.

So, with her white nightgown on, she made her way to the balcony, and her arms were lightly scraped by the breeze. Despite the fact that the moon provided a beautiful glow to the rest of its surroundings, and the stars playfully winked at all the onlookers, she still felt her solitude hit her like a metaphorical slap in the face: what would happen to her comrades, the BPD …

What would happen to _her?_

Even now, she had no idea of what she was going to do with herself; exiled from the organization she felt most attached to (despite the controversy surrounding it), the living 'embodiment' of a spirit who was attempting to claim 'what was rightfully _**hers**_' –

She won't have it.

Clenching her fingers around her bare arms, she felt the breeze pick up in power. The darkness still pierced her like a spear to the heart; her future was going to be like that, she was sure of it. Dark and dreary, with no sense of direction, her only solace a light that she would never reach –

But, there was something oddly soothing about the night as well.

It was her time to think, her time to reflect on 'what-could-have-been' and 'why-it-wasn't-meant-to-be', and wonder what would have happened if – at least for a _while _– it **had **happened.

The moonlight cast an ethereal glow on her solitary form, tinting it a bluish colour. Even when she was surrounded by her friends or colleagues, she would _always _– in a sense – be alone.

One woman contemplated her future atop a balcony at _night, _and wished upon a star a wish that would never, truthfully, be fulfilled.


	15. ocean

**Disclaimer: **Both Jamaila and Gehenna are mine.

x – x – x – x – x – x –

She dreamt about the **ocean**, sometimes.

She'd be standing there, overlooking the rest of her surroundings, save from the ripples emanating from the ocean, sparkling with life and knowledge as it lazed peacefully. She'd also glimpse the outline of a figure, standing far off into the distance ...

She'd never realize whether it was her own form or the form of Gehenna waiting on the other side.

The next part of the dream usually varied: sometimes, she'd kneel down and gaze into the water, her reflection sorrowfully looking back at her; sometimes, she'd extend her arm out, with her legs bound by invisible chains, forcing her to stay put.

This time, though, her whole body rose, floating up higher and higher, then faster and faster ...

She could see everything from here, and felt awkwardly tranquil here, but ...

Who would save her from the fall?

And, as she thought this, her body fell, and she desperately wanted to be saved, to land on her own two feet ...

She waited from the impact -

- And arose, her chest heaving with a handful of nightmares that she'll never be able to escape from.


	16. purple

**Disclaimer: **Both Jamaila and Gehenna are mine.

x – x – x – x – x – x –

"Fuck! Look what I got for a new assignment!"

She smiled at the vulgar greeting from her companion. He was never going to change, despite what he had said to Cid.

"Seifer, who did you get now?"

Seifer glared at Jamaila, clearly annoyed by the fact that she was smiling at his predicament.

"I got Dincht as back-up. Dincht. Do you know how bad that is?"

Jamaila smiled. "Well, that's not too bad."

Seifer looked at her with an expression bordering on incredulity. "What?"

She smiled. "I've got Selphie, who's ten times more hyper."

He shrugged. "At least she doesn't pester you with insults that I used to use in the 5th grade."

She shook her head, and began walking towards her desk. "Well, at least Zell wouldn't wake you up in the middle of the night because he's in the shower."

Seifer smirked. "Well ... maybe Hyne hates us both."

Jamaila shook her head and placed her folder on top of her desk. "Maybe so ..."

Then, an idea hit her. Granted, she wouldn't have been able to go through with it, but ... she was the daughter of the BPD's 'big shot' around here ...

"Tell you what ..."

Seifer lazily looked back at her, with his legs planted on top of his desk.

"Maybe we can swap assignments."

Seifers eyes widened a fraction. "You serious?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I'll just talk to my dad and sort it all out."

He smiled, an improvement from the smirk he was usually seen with. "Great! Thanks, Maila!"

She smiled, as she made to walk away. "Hey, it's what friends are for, right?"

/// Two Days Later \\\

Jamaila had just averted her eyes from her phone, when she noticed something on top of her desk. Frowning, she moved closer to get a better look at it.

Upon closer inspection, she realized it was a necklace; the charm, a silver butterfly adorned with **purple **stones. Beneath it, she found a blue post-it note.

_Hey,_

_Hope you like the necklace. Consider it a thank you gift. I can rest easy now that Dincht ain't here to wake me up with his snoring._

_Sei_

She smiled. What wonders never ceased ...

x - x - x - x - x - x - x -

**Author's Note: **Much more light-hearted, which has cheered me up! Anyways, you know the drill: Read and Review, please!


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